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Al

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The birth of an angel [22 Apr 2005|09:40am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I've never seen anything like what I saw yesterday. Let's see if I can explain the feelings I felt while Daralyn was born.

The shower had started, Bette, Tina, Lara, Dana, Tonya and I were all there. Jenny and Carmen were playing phone tag with me and we couldn't get a hold of each other, but the messages said they were on their way. Friction was felt, and stress which undoubtedly let to Tina's water breaking in the hallway while she was talking with Bette.

Tina was scared and worried that something was wrong and Bette rushed her off to the hospital. I told everyone what was going on and left after them. I arrived shortly there after, Tina was wheeled off with Bette and I each holding a hand. The doctor explained to us what was going on and that they had to perform an emergency c-section.

Barely a half hour after they put Tina under Daralyn was born.

Her skin is the color of Bette's, a creamy coffee color. Like coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Blonde hair like her mothers, thin, little peach fuzz, her head was so little against Tina's arm as they got her to breast feed. She didn't fuss a whole lot, but they whisked her away quickly to incubate her, being premature and all.

You could see the wonder in Tina's face when she held her. The awe of this little miracle in her arms. So small next to her mother. It looked like she'd been waiting years for this moment to come to pass. Her eyes filled up with tears, and she looked up at me and smiled the biggest, brightest smile I've ever seen on her beautiful face.

We've been so stressed lately, just with everything, first the move, and then the start of our relationship, and the Bette backlash that came from that. And this moment, this very moment with her daughter in her hands....You couldn't even tell that she had just gone through hell to get here. She was blissful, and in full glow from motherhood. I've never seen a more beautiful sight as when Tina was holding her daughter for the first time. If I said my eyes didn't well up with tears, I'd be lying.

We had to stay in the hospital last night. They wanted to make sure Tina didn't get an infection from the c-section, and because they want to keep Daralyn in the incubator for at least a full day or two.

Tina looks tired now, still sitting in the hospital bed. I know that I'm going to put her in bed when we get home, and I'll wake her when Daralyn needs to feed. At least the nursery is set up already. Crib and changing table. We've yet to finish decorating though.

I admit that I was a little scared about what would happen once Daralyn was born, but now, after the fact, and I've had a chance to hold her. I am filled with this sense of love and pride,especially for T, going through all this. She is the strongest woman I know. I've never been happier and more in love in my life. This day brought us closer together, and I'm so thankful for that.

*Puts my laptop down and turns to look at Tina. I squeeze her hand lightly before planting a kiss on it, softly*

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[15 Apr 2005|01:13pm]
[ mood | calm ]



Sometimes no matter what you try to do, someone always ends up getting hurt.

I can't always be the good guy I suppose, but I've always tried.

I'm tired of being the one that always does what best for her friends.

I'm doing this for me, for myself, and I'll be damned if someone gets hurt because of it.

I deserve to be happy, and I'm blissfully happy now. And I'm not going to apologize again for it because I don't feel like I should.

I don't think that we've done anything wrong. I don't feel like we owe an explanation to anyone.

*sighs*

I'm glad I have her in my life. We can get through this and anything else.

<3

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[11 Apr 2005|03:03pm]
So I got the job with the radio station. I know I hadn't really mentioned it before but that was because I was nervous and I didn't really want to get my hopes up in case I didn't get the job. I did though, so that's a huge relief, and I'll be working a set time so I'll be able to help Tina with building the playground for her work and will be able to spend more time with her, taking care of her and our daughter once she is born.

Things have gotten a little stressful with Bette, but I think we can get through it if we could all talk face to face, but we've all been so busy lately. I want everyone to all get along again, but I know that dream is a little farfetched right now. We just have to give it time.

I'm taking Tina out to a movie tonight. It's her choice for the movie, and it's my treat.

Where is everyone? I feel so out of touch.
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Tina cooks great pancakes. [07 Apr 2005|01:47pm]
[ mood | awake ]

In case you all didn't know that Tina can cook amazing breakfast. I'm telling you. Chocolate chip oatmeal. Yum. I've never had anything so delicious in my entire life.

We've become so close these past few weeks. We take turns cooking and we spend some nights watching movies until all hours of the night.

I enjoy her company so much, and have really starting caring about Tina. I think that we can handle pretty much anything that might come our way.

I'll be heading to the planet in a little while. I still need to take a shower and get dressed. I cleaned up from breakfast this morning. I'd love to share Tina and her great cooking with everyone, but I want to keep her all to myself ;)

Anyway, we're kind of busy here with getting ready for the baby, working and everything else. We're really looking forward to seeing everyone when they come over for the housewarming party. We've got everything set up for it, we're just waiting for the weekend to get here. I'll see you guys later!!

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[28 Mar 2005|06:51pm]
Tina and I are talking about changing our study/office into the nursery once the baby is born. I know that she's been stressing about what would happen after the birth and I don't want her to have to move again. It was a lot of lifting once already and I don't want her to have to go through all that again. That and I love having her around. We've gotten so close these past few months, and I'd hate to lose that. I feel so connected to her.

I love our late night movie nights, where we'll get comfortable on the couch or one of our beds and watch movies and eat popcorn until we end up falling asleep. Waking up with her head on my shoulder, it's nice being that close to someone. I'll wake up in the morning and cook breakfast for us, if we're not in a rush to get out of the house. I love how we call each other in the middle of the day just to check up and make sure we're doing alright. She likes to pick up dinner on the way home. I feel like we've made a home here, ya know. Tina and I. It feels comfortable.

I feel like I'm rambling a little, and maybe am getting too close to her? I don't know. All I know is that I enjoy having her around and I hope that once the baby comes that won't change. I'd really hate to see her leave.
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Off in my own world. [24 Mar 2005|08:44am]
Being single isn't bad right? I mean either people are breaking up , or people are getting married. Love is confusing. Sex can be if you're not careful, and I don't know what I am.

I'm keeping busy with my work, if ya'll were wondering where I've run off to, or whom I've run off with. Sometimes I really hate my job, but this assignment isn't so bad and I've decided to take Tina with me. I have to write about the best spas in town, so we're going to hit every spa in a 20 mile radius and then I rate them. How fun. But I guess that if it pays the bills and leaves me with plenty of money left over for my coffee addiction then it can't be all bad.

I feel like I haven't seen you guys in so long. I feel a little distant, and I don't think I'm doing it on purpose.

I say we all hit up a club this weekend and get some dancing in. I feel the need to cut loose and dance a little dirty. Who's with me?
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[22 Mar 2005|09:25am]
Tina got her new furniture moved in this weekend, she got a nice bedroom set, and we organized the den/office. The house looks so cozy now, but boy did it take some work!

We took yesterday off because we worked so hard this weekend. We ran into Tonya at the planet who took advantage of Tina buying me lunch. I think with her taking 15% of Dana's money the least she could do is buy her own damn lunch. That's just me though.

Tina's belly is getting so big and I'm so happy to have a part in this.

We're having a house warming party this weekend, and I'm organizing the babyshower so let me know if you'd like to help with that.

I'm going to maybe go for a jog or hop in the shower and head to the planet. I haven't decided yet.
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Much needed friends [18 Mar 2005|12:52pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

Jenny and I had a good long talk the other day. I was there for a few hours. We lost track of the time until Shane came home, at who knows when and was like, 'damn al, you're still here?' Jenny and I looked at the clock and laughed. By that time we had polished off the lasagna and wine, we were laughing and giggling after a very serious start. It was a wonderful way to spend an evening.

Tina and I are moved into the new apartment and we're unpacking everything. I hired people because of Tina's baby and I didn't want her lifting everything. We have quite a few boxes to go through but I think we'll probably take a break soon and go get some refreshments from the Planet.

I'd decided to call off whatever Dana and I have going. At least for now, maybe forever. *Shrugs* I'm not sure. I'll leave that up to her. I want her to be happy, and if that's with Tonya then so be it. I'm going to put my effort into other endevers. My new friendship, and helping our mother-to-be in anyway that I can. We're going to go pick out some furniture this weekend for her room.

I'm excited. I'm getting a roommate, a little niece or nephew. Ya know T, we should have just moved into a 3 bedroom so we could set up a nursery for the baby. I guess we don't know how things are going to work out yet.

I think that Tina and I should have a housewarming party. A new start, in our new place. To new beginnings. And I'm also going to organize a baby shower. Tina should make a list of possible baby things, and I'll get everything organized and set up. :)

I'm in such a good mood, and I feel so productive.

I also just want to thank Jenny for listening to me, and to the start of something.

<3
Al

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[16 Mar 2005|10:41am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I'm heading over to Jenny's today at 3. Wine, food and conversation. Just a quiet meeting. I'm up to here in stress with the Dana/Tonya thing, and did I tell you about the ugly guy she set me up with? Granted I'm bisexual but I'd much much much rather be with a girl most of, if not all of the time.

I acted interested, he was funny. I don't know if I did it to make Dana jealous or what. Her and Tonya hang all over each other when they're together. She's like a leech. Ugh.

I'm trying to get Carmen to come to the Planet. To spin again. She really was doing a great job before Betty showed up that night.

Ugh. I need a shower and should start cooking my food to bring over. I'm thinking lasagna and some french bread. You can't really go wrong with that.

I talked to the apartment people and said that it's no trouble to get a 2 bedroom. It's not that much more a month either so I got 2 bedroom with a den so it's really 3 bedrooms. We can make it a study for us since we both work on our computers. I've hired a movers and everything will be done today and tomorrow. We'll be completely moved in by friday, so now that that's all taken care of. I'm going to get ready to go.

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Missed Connection. [15 Mar 2005|08:41am]
[ mood | amused ]

You know when you think you have a connection with a person and it turns out that they have a better connection with someone else and you just feel crushed, even just a little. Well that's what happened between a friend and I after she had just arrived in the area. She connected on a deep level with another woman and I just had to sit there and watch them. Watch her and her life as she knew it crumble. I helped her once, getting her out of a sticky situation, but to no avail because eventually it all caught up with her.

That's all behind us now, but sometimes it's good to visit the past in order to understand why you are where you are in the present and where it might lead in the future.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~



Jenny said she's listen. To my vents and ramblings about my situation. I find that comforting, especially from her. We weren't always welcoming to her, even alittle standoff-ish, but I'm glad we've opened up more, and she's made herself more at home in our little group. There is always room for one more, and I'm glad that her and Shane are sharing a house. We're all getting closer together even while going through this Tina/Bette ordeal. It's hard, to be there for the both of them. But I think that we can do it, together. I hope they can either come to an understanding soon. Either work out their differences and get back together or agree that things were bad and that's the end of it.

I feel for Tina, and I want to be there for her as much as I can. We meet at the Planet every other day or so and catch up on things. She's going to be moving back in with me, and I'm thinking that we might get a bigger apartment so she doesn't have to sleep on the couch anymore. My house is her house and I swear I'm going to kill her lawyer for what she tried to pull.

I should probably head back up to the Planet. I'm sure someone is there to talk with.
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[14 Mar 2005|04:07pm]
I feel washed away. Confused maybe?

I used to have a crush on Jenny.

This is a random update but I'm not ready yet. Some of you can guess how I feel and others have no idea. I really need to sit down and talk to someone.

Anyone?


Tonya set me up with some dorky guy. I didn't have fun and got drunk after with the girls. I can sense something with Carmen and Jenny and Shane. It's interesting and I'm curious.

My head hurts and I need to take some advil before I go up to The Planet. I hope Tina is still there.
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Much Ado about......Life. [09 Mar 2005|02:07pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

I'm worried, and for once it's not about Dana and me. Alice selfish? Not me.

Bette and Tina are worrying me. Bette and Candace are worrying me. The whole situation is worrysome.

You can't be equal friends with two people who are broken up. Especially when it's a hard break up. Cheating involved and the like. Some people don't know how to control themselves, or they are searching for someone. I've realized that it's not my job to judge. It's my job to be there for the both of them. Tina with a lawyer and a place to live, and Bette with just that support she needs.

She's breaking down. She's broken, in all sense of the word. I'm worried for her health. Shane and I had to care for her a few nights ago because she was too drunk to do it herself. I don't know what it's like to be that broken, but I know that if I were, I'd want my friends to help me out, and we haven't been. We've all taken sides. Except for Shane. I admire her for that, and her actions have spoken to me, and I'm going to try to be there more for Bette this time around. Tina is doing great and I love her, but I think Bette needs us more right now. Especially with the alcohol problem.

Dana and I haven't really spoken to each other much. She came over to vent about Tonya and her getting 15% pay for being a manager. I'm sorry, but if you're marrying someone, it's not for the money and it's both your money, not just hers, and if that were really true, Tonya wouldn't need to have Dana pay her. I don't want to get into that though because it just upsets me.

Shane says I should start dating to keep Dana off my mind, and I don't want it to be me pressuring her to leave Tonya, I want it to be because she's not in love with her. I don't know who I should date though. *Laughs*

After Bette and I talking over lunch, I've vowed to be there more for her, and to help Kit out as much as I can with The Planet.

I'm off to go jogging though, if I'm going to date, I'd like to look good doing it. ;)

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[04 Mar 2005|03:40pm]
I don't want her to give up on something, especially when I'm not sure what it meant.

I don't want her to make a mistake she might regret.

Either way.


I'm at a fork. A crossroads. To be or not to be type shit. I think I need to think this through.


Shane brought up a good point today.

"what are you gonna do if Dana leaves Tonya?"

I have no idea. Could I actually go through with the relationship or do we make better friends?



Help.
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I actually work? [04 Mar 2005|01:47pm]
So it's taken a little longer at the office than I expected. I'm just sitting here, waiting to here from someone. I think the editor, but most of the time I'm not sure. I just calmly sit at my desk and wait for the phone to ring. Usually we can do this all 'out of office' but sometimes you just need to personally touch base with people. Especially your boss. *Smiles*

You'd be surprised how much your vibrator can take before it gives up on you. I'll have to make a weekend trip this weekend to replace it. Maybe I can convince one of the girls to come with.

I wish I wasn't in bed alone last night, and I'm sure you can imagine who I was thinking about. I'm going to get myself into so much trouble doing things like this. Kissing people like her. Am I protecting her or myself? Am I doing this for love or because I can't see Dana with someone like Tonya. A gold digger. Someone who I swear to god killed Mr. P. *Sighs*

I can't make up my mind about this. Is it love? Or am I just trying to keep her single. Is she happy?

Just call me indecisive Al.
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[04 Mar 2005|09:10am]
[ mood | tired ]

I slept in this morning and I don't get to do that very often. I'm sure I've already missed Dana at The Planet.

I walked into the kitchen to grab some orange juice and Tina had already left. I know she's been meeting with her lawyer a lot lately. I'm proud of her for stepping up and wanting to reclaim her atonomy. She's such a strong, wonderful woman, and I'm glad I could be here for her. She deserves more than that.

I can't understand why Bette would do that. *sighs* I do want to touch base with her, especially after our last conversation. It didn't sit well with me.

I'd better start getting ready for my day. I have to go to the office to talk over my story, and then I'll stop by The Planet and get some coffee.

And those viagra pills finally kicked in and I swear I think I broke my vibrator.

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Clumsy with Words [03 Mar 2005|04:47pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I went to The Planet for awhile. To calm my nerves and get a cup of joe. I never thought I'd run into Dana there. Or I did because I knew she always runs in the morning and gets her tea before jogging back home and taking a shower.

I love when she's all steaming and sweaty.

We talked, it was small talk. Nothing important at all. Kind of avoiding each other and the situation, or should I just say the kissing.

We agreed that we couldn't be alone together near beds and stuff. I'm trying not to make this difficult for her, and doing my research on womans viagra isn't helping the matter. I shouldn't have mentioned that to her.

I shouldn't have waved, I should have just kept to myself. I'm so drawn to her, and she is my best friend.

I remember a long time ago we promised each other that we weren't going to be friends that sleep with each other, and now that's all I can think about.

I need something or someone to keep my mind off of Dana. She is getting married.

And it's not to me.

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[03 Mar 2005|01:49pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I know I'm sure everyone already has one of these so I figured I'd jump the bandwagon.

I've never been one to hide my feelings or thoughts, but around her I just feel so unsure of my footing. Like I'm about to slip at any moment. There is nothing to steady myself on. I have come undone around her. Tina still living in my house right now is the only thing that keeps me sane. Our late talks at night when neither of us can sleep.

I can't believe she really wants to marry that woman. The one who actually had a monolouge while she was going down on her. My best friend.

We went jogging the other day. It's our escape, and our alone time away from the rest of the group. Someone has to keep her in shape. Things almost got out of hand. *Shrugs*

I almost think that I shouldn't have kissed her.

What am I talking about? How long can you hide feelings for someone before something happens? Maybe I just don't want her to marry Tonya.

Only time will tell.

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